Being Present

As a single gal, most of my time is spent by myself. Being an introvert, this suits me pretty well, though like most people my happiest moments come during quality time with quality friends.  Most people are happy to fit you in as an interlude between other commitments, but wringing quality out of an interlude can be tricky. The trick being, of course, staying present.

One of my big peeves is when someone keeps checking their phone (usually while I'm regaling their inattentive self with a highly interesting anecdote). The impression—and almost certainly the actuality—is that they're scanning for a chat notification from somebody more fascinating. They're trying to maintain separate conversations with a variety of people, dividing their attention into tweet-lengthed blurbs rather than focusing more deeply on the present human.

Some people consider this perfectly fine; some people find it important to be accessible to everybody at all times. To me, it feels like a kick in the stomach. If somebody has put aside their time to spend with you, they deserve no less in return. Sure there are exceptions, emergencies; but it's a precious gift that should be mutually appreciated.

You never know just how important your time together might mean to the other person. Maybe you're the highlight of their day, or week. A little enthusiasm goes a long, long way; savouring the present will build the fondest memories—and isn't memory the most lasting, worthwhile possession?

I believe that nothing impacts people quite like the vibe you put out. As someone who feeds off of other people's energy and moods—both good and bad—little interactions can make or break my own mood. On the one hand, that's my problem; but on the other, positivity creates a delightful cycle that improves everybody's mood. It doesn't matter whether you generate or receive positivity, because each one will encourage the other.

The flip side, of course, is that not really being present can cause enormous disappointment. Let's say you're distracted by something external that's worrying you. Not only are you cheating yourself out of the mood-lifting that comes with appreciating the moment, but the other person might quite reasonably assume that they've caused your apparent upset. This in turn stresses them out, and pretty soon you're both unhappy.

I've always been pretty awful at staying present. In fact, the self-saboteur in me tends to manufacture reasons not to enjoy the present moment. But the great thing about slipping out from under depression's thumb is that you can finally observe your feelings from the outside. Even if you still see the same old behaviour, you can also see a more positive route.